The Latest Scott Walker Bald-Faced, Hair-Raising Dissemble

MADISON, Wis. — Gov. Scott Walker, who has spent every single day of his time as governor under investigation and who has refused to disclose who financed more than $500,000 in legal fees as part of the criminal investigation involving some of his closest allies, is now even telling stories about the cause of his hair loss.

“Gov. Walker, that’s what guys in our mid-40s do, we lose our hair sometimes,” said Scot Ross, the 45-year-old Executive Director of One Wisconsin Now. “On issue after issue, Gov. Walker has made hair-raising excuses and offered bald-faced distortions.”

In a story published over the weekend, the 46-year-old Gov. Walker tells an inconceivable story that the two vast areas atop his head which have grown as thin as his excuses for failing to create the 250,000 jobs he promised Wisconsin, are due to hitting his head on a cabinet:

The bald spot, he said, was the result of a repair incident in the kitchen when he banged his head on an open kitchen cabinet door while making repairs requested by his wife, Tonette. She kept telling him to go to the doctor to get the scar on his head looked at, he said. When he finally did, the doctor said his hair would never grow back in that spot, the governor explained.

“Gov. Walker has consistently tried to brush aside questions on everything from his failed jobs promise to the John Doe investigations to his record of extremism against the rights of women, said Ross. “Balding is a lot like scandal, it’s oftentimes the cover-up that makes the public’s hair stand on end.”

Walker, who has spent considerably more than his predecessor on both security and travel, did not elaborate whether former Gov. Jim Doyle was somehow to blame for the cabinet incident.

“Gov. Walker blamed his failure to meet his promise on jobs on everything from video gamers to global climate change and the Greek debt crisis,” said Ross. “It’s funny to think Gov. Walker would blame a cabinet for causing his male pattern baldness, but his pathological inability to tell the truth is making Wisconsin a joke.”