January 23, 2010

Meet the Corporation

I had always heard of these faceless corporations so I thought it wouldn’t be very much fun to meet one. But now that the Supreme Court has officially made them persons (sorta like they did with George Bush) I thought maybe I’d do what I’d wanted to for a long time ‘ punch one in the face. So off I went to my local hated corporation.

Excuse me Miss, is the Corporation in?

Pardon me??

Is the Corporation in?

Well the people who work here ‘ some of them are here and others are, of course, out of the building.

Yes, but I wanted to meet the Corporation, sort of ‘face to face’.

Well, you can’t do that!

I suppose it’s really busy, huh?

Oh yes, this Corporation is very busy but it isn’t exactly here!

Well, what time does it usually get in, would you say?

I can’t really answer that question, Sir.

Oh, I get it ‘ the Corporation is a big shot so it kind of keeps its own hours, does it?

Well Sir, that’s not exactly’¦..

He’s in the men’s room, right?

Sir, it doesn’t really’¦.

Not the men’s room, huh. I know, he’s a little hung over and hasn’t shown up for work yet so’¦.

Sir ‘ the Corporation doesn’t drink’¦

Cool ‘ oh, look at the time ‘ Is he out to lunch?

Sir, the employees take lunch at all different times but the Corporation doesn’t really take lunch’¦

So he works really hard ‘ say he wouldn’t be on vacation would he?

Sir, I’m sorry to tell you that the Corporation doesn’t take vacations as such, you see’¦

Wow ‘ doesn’t even take vacations ‘ perhaps I’ve been too hard on this person. Say can I ask ‘ is this corporation married?

Well no’¦

Have children?

Unhhh, sir’¦.

Been divorced?

Sir, I’ve got to get back to ‘¦.

The Corporation isn’t sick, is it, and you’re trying to keep it quiet, like cancer or something?

I’m sorry sir but I really’¦.

Well, OK, just gimme a little inside info – I’ve heard that this person’s voice has been unleashed by the Supreme Court so do you like have recordings of this person’s voice?

Sir, really, I’m going to have to call Security if you’¦.

OK, ok ‘ (lowered voice) Say, you and the Corporation haven’t been’¦.

Sir, that’s enough, the Corporation isn’t really like that’¦.

Yeah, well that’s what the hiking governor said’¦.Hey, oooh, uummph, take your hands off me! I just want to see this person called the Corporation ‘¦.

Listen Mac- you want to see the Corporation? Turn on your radio, read a paper, watch TV, talk to your Rush listening neighbors, call your Congressman, try to get a liberal elected, or health care for people, or lower the war budget, or rein in the banks, then just pay a little attention- the Corporation’s voice will be everywhere- it’s a very special person. Now get the hell out of here’¦.!